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Re: Fanfiction story.[message #174790] Tue, 05 February 2008 19:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Cagemonkey

 
Messages:272
Registered:December 2001
Location: Sweden
Good story!
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #174837] Wed, 06 February 2008 00:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deathstruck

 
Messages:137
Registered:June 2007
Location: Czech Republic
Damn, Fairy you made a good job ! I can see a future famous writer "Fairy Wilbury".....uhm, I guess its not you real name ? Whatever Very Happy

By the way, Cagemonkey, can you do Illustrations for this great story? I think that your style would fit the story:p
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #174863] Wed, 06 February 2008 09:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
lockie

 
Messages:3929
Registered:February 2006
Location: Scotland
could do worse than have fairy wilbury as nom de plume Very Happy


Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175099] Fri, 08 February 2008 02:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia


2Smert

He-he, hope you are a good prophet)) :shy:

2Cagemonkey&Smert

Thanx = ))

2lockie
>>could do worse than have fairy wilbury as nom de plume

Ha ha ha )) It really doesn't sound as a compliment Laughing
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175136] Fri, 08 February 2008 17:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deathstruck

 
Messages:137
Registered:June 2007
Location: Czech Republic
but still, you killed the Mighty Ivan ! That was just not right !
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175194] Sat, 09 February 2008 15:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Cagemonkey

 
Messages:272
Registered:December 2001
Location: Sweden
Smert, I

[Updated on: Sat, 09 February 2008 15:03] by Moderator

Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175200] Sat, 09 February 2008 16:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MikeThePro

 
Messages:176
Registered:November 2007
Location: Bulgaria

Wow, good to seen another chapter when I came back here!
Great stuff, I also mourn the loss of Ivan, like, it's never good to lose a merc from aim, no matter who it is, but hey, that's the author's call.

And wol, sounds like Mike's not very talkative...wonder when he'll start using those "sophisticated phrases" of his...like the ones used in game...

BTW:Am I the only one to notice similarity between Mike and Cougar???Especially in the way of speech?
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175202] Sat, 09 February 2008 16:29 Go to previous messageGo to next message
the scorpion

 
Messages:1839
Registered:September 2004
Location: CH
same voice actors over and over? ;-D
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175435] Tue, 12 February 2008 11:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

2Smert
>>but still, you killed the Mighty Ivan ! That was just not right !

Nah, I've already told you all the reasons = ) I had to kill him...)

2Cagemonkey

Actually if someday you had time, I would be happy to see your illustrations for my story.. Well, if you could find insparation in there. :shy:
But I'm fan of your pics = )

2MikeThePro
Thanx!

>>And wol, sounds like Mike's not very talkative...wonder when he'll start using those "sophisticated phrases" of his...like the ones used in game...

Well, I'm trying to show his character in progress... When he met Scully they both were less than 20 years old. Mike wasn't _that_ selfconfident then.. ) Although he already had enough selfconfidence to keep the distance between him and the others. And also - his behavior there is the key to his childhood (which I will describe later) and his childhood is the key to his character in a way... )) I am trying to describe why he is the way you could see him in the game Wink Well, I'd better go and write another chapter.... :shy:


Re: Fanfiction story.[message #175528] Wed, 13 February 2008 14:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Cagemonkey

 
Messages:272
Registered:December 2001
Location: Sweden
Fairy_Wilbury
2Cagemonkey

Actually if someday you had time, I would be happy to see your illustrations for my story.. Well, if you could find insparation in there. :shy:
But I'm fan of your pics = )


I
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177429] Wed, 05 March 2008 19:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

Now another chapter is ready... I've told you - it will be a long story = )
BTW, this is my first attempt to write a story in english and as I'm going to study screenwriting in a year and a half, all your opinions are important to me.)

Back to the life.

Beat. Beating of his heart - abrupt and hollow it was. Unconscious with no thoughts and feelings yet he could hear that sound. Excluding it, a blank silence remained, but somehow he could concentrate his attention on the sound of his own heartbeat. Strangely enough, it brought back the sense of reality, as if he had re-emerged to life from a deep well of total unconsciousness. Mike had no idea of what had happened to him, where he was, why he was there or what state his body
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177463] Thu, 06 March 2008 00:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Cagemonkey

 
Messages:272
Registered:December 2001
Location: Sweden
Cool, check your inbox.
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177843] Mon, 10 March 2008 01:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MikeThePro

 
Messages:176
Registered:November 2007
Location: Bulgaria

Great chapter.And since you requested some feedback I'm ready to provide some:

1The getting back to life and the whole chapter was very detailed and reasonable.There was logic in most of the described actions and events.I was wondering how can Mike get back to life, and it was very well explained.
2Except for atropine(for nerve agents(gases) warfare), mercs usually carry some sort of morphine or a similar mixture to suppress the pain and keep fighting for 30-60 minutes.I was surprised Mike didn't have any, but perhaps he prefers to keep a healthy way of living, keeping his stats in consideration.
3When Scully was looking for him and found Mike's body missing, a standard procedure is holstering the weapon and investigating the area for possible hostiles.Besides, you never know if they won't mistake you for an enemy in CQC or fighting in buildings.But chances that you are aware of military tactics are unlikely so you still did very well...
4I noticed several repetitions such as "medical help" and "mustering the strength" but I may be fiddling criticism now...
5Using the namesake MD as the saving doctor was probably the best idea one could use...
6I only didn't like the part when Mike gets annoyed by MD, even that he's saving his life.It would probably be more in order to say something like "Keep silent, kid, unless you intend to finish me off prematurely."He also could have said, like: "If you really want to help me out, then it is advisable that you do no inform anyone about this", instead of threatening them especially when being in such a condition...
7Generally Mike's shown as arrogant person with no good attitude at all.Now this is all a personal opinion, so you can ignore it easily.But I believe that Mike's only arrogant towards the opposition and the enemies, and he considers his colleagues possible enemies, because he knows they may turn their backs someday.But with his real friends he can be quite friendly and helping, and can even be an example for the community.It'd be interesting to see him in various daily routine situations-shopping at the store, meeting the neighbours and all...


Anyway, I hope I wasn't too rough or harsh, I just felt like sharing my opinion on the subject, and don't get me wrong, not even with all I said up to this point, this story is getting greater with every new chapter...
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177850] Mon, 10 March 2008 02:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

2MikeThePro:

You certainly wasn't rough - it's very kind of you to write such a detailed opinion and truly very inspiring! = ))

You are right - I'll try to avoid repetitions in the future - didn't notice these, but thanks for pointing it out)

As for Scully and military tactics - his point was that someone of the citizens had removed the body... But possibly you are right - I'm not that good at tactics... Not sure about this moment.

And Mike's character... yes, I see him as an arrogant person with a bit strange behaivor sometimes... Which doesn't mean he couldn't be helping for his friends (as long as it does not interfer with his job though). By the way, other mercs hate this guy mostly and there should be some reasons for it, as I think.. But it's only my personal opinion too = ) I like him being like that) And, yes, Mike will be shown in his everyday life, but in slightly different way.)) I'll try to describe his personality and all the backgrounds and reasons for him being so with some more flashbacks...

Thanks again - your feedback makes my work worthwhile and helps me to develop my skills = )
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177935] Mon, 10 March 2008 22:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MikeThePro

 
Messages:176
Registered:November 2007
Location: Bulgaria

Just to make a small note:others hate Mike because they can't be the best themselves, or envy his salary.After all he demands an adequate compensation to his efforts on the field...

And thanks for understanding.
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177938] Mon, 10 March 2008 23:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

Sure, that's true too... But I think only partly... Well, I'd better write another chapter, instead of trying to describe his character here = )
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177990] Tue, 11 March 2008 16:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
DNA from the Lowlands

 
Messages:339
Registered:July 2003
Jagged the Movie can wait (and perhaps buy your script)

I first suspected Scully would load Mike in the jeep and drive him to Alma-hospital.
MD as a saviour was perfect: new guy, doesn't know Mikes face.
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177992] Tue, 11 March 2008 16:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deathstruck

 
Messages:137
Registered:June 2007
Location: Czech Republic
Gaaah JA2 Movie ? please no Uwe Boll ! please no !

I thought that Mike is beign hated only by experienced and "like-to-kill" mercs. For example some youn-guns are still taking him as legend and killing him isnt too comfortable for them(Lynx...)

[Updated on: Tue, 11 March 2008 16:33] by Moderator

Re: Fanfiction story.[message #178042] Wed, 12 March 2008 04:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

>>I first suspected Scully would load Mike in the jeep and drive him to Alma-hospital.

Yeah, I thought it would be more interesting to put MD into the story... And as an explaination - it was to risky to take Mike to Alma - he was still dressed in Deidrana's army uniform = )

>>(and perhaps buy your script)

Embarrassed

2Smert:

I thought it depends more on their character, not on their experience... But you'll see more about the relations between Mike and other mercs then))
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #312520] Mon, 26 November 2012 21:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

Er-r, don't know if anyone is still interested. :whoknows: But I've stumbled over my old fanfiction story a couple of days ago and it made me want to continue writing it. So here is another chapter.

The Dragon

The answering machine proceeded to the next message:
- This is Commander Spice from the AIM speaking. We would like to receive a disproof or a confirmation of the mercenary named Mike being shot to death three months ago on the Arulko ground. Please, contact us if you have any information.

That wasn't the first message from the AIM. They wanted to have the information first-hand, even though they obviously had quite a few witnesses. Mike shook his head
Re: Fanfiction story.[message #312634] Thu, 29 November 2012 22:48 Go to previous message
Fairy_Wilbury

 
Messages:43
Registered:November 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia

The assignment

[Updated on: Thu, 29 November 2012 22:49] by Moderator

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