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Re: Fanfiction story.[message #177843]

Mon, 10 March 2008 01:13

MikeThePro

Messages:175
Registered:November 2007
Location: Bulgaria

Great chapter.And since you requested some feedback I'm ready to provide some:

1The getting back to life and the whole chapter was very detailed and reasonable.There was logic in most of the described actions and events.I was wondering how can Mike get back to life, and it was very well explained.
2Except for atropine(for nerve agents(gases) warfare), mercs usually carry some sort of morphine or a similar mixture to suppress the pain and keep fighting for 30-60 minutes.I was surprised Mike didn't have any, but perhaps he prefers to keep a healthy way of living, keeping his stats in consideration.
3When Scully was looking for him and found Mike's body missing, a standard procedure is holstering the weapon and investigating the area for possible hostiles.Besides, you never know if they won't mistake you for an enemy in CQC or fighting in buildings.But chances that you are aware of military tactics are unlikely so you still did very well...
4I noticed several repetitions such as "medical help" and "mustering the strength" but I may be fiddling criticism now...
5Using the namesake MD as the saving doctor was probably the best idea one could use...
6I only didn't like the part when Mike gets annoyed by MD, even that he's saving his life.It would probably be more in order to say something like "Keep silent, kid, unless you intend to finish me off prematurely."He also could have said, like: "If you really want to help me out, then it is advisable that you do no inform anyone about this", instead of threatening them especially when being in such a condition...
7Generally Mike's shown as arrogant person with no good attitude at all.Now this is all a personal opinion, so you can ignore it easily.But I believe that Mike's only arrogant towards the opposition and the enemies, and he considers his colleagues possible enemies, because he knows they may turn their backs someday.But with his real friends he can be quite friendly and helping, and can even be an example for the community.It'd be interesting to see him in various daily routine situations-shopping at the store, meeting the neighbours and all...

Anyway, I hope I wasn't too rough or harsh, I just felt like sharing my opinion on the subject, and don't get me wrong, not even with all I said up to this point, this story is getting greater with every new chapter...

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[Message index]

		Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sat, 22 December 2007 23:31
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sat, 22 December 2007 23:34
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: cougar on Sun, 23 December 2007 01:35
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Sun, 23 December 2007 04:46
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 23 December 2007 17:24
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Sun, 23 December 2007 19:29
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 23 December 2007 23:30
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: DNA from the Lowlands on Sun, 23 December 2007 23:44
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Wed, 26 December 2007 23:40
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Caboclo on Thu, 27 December 2007 14:18
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: DNA from the Lowlands on Sat, 29 December 2007 16:44
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Sat, 29 December 2007 18:35
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Sun, 30 December 2007 00:15
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 30 December 2007 15:51
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Sun, 30 December 2007 16:32
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Sun, 30 December 2007 18:06
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 30 December 2007 18:39
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Sun, 30 December 2007 19:43
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 30 December 2007 20:11
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Sun, 30 December 2007 21:01
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Sun, 30 December 2007 21:17
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fran on Mon, 31 December 2007 11:01
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 25 January 2008 01:15
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Fri, 25 January 2008 13:04
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Sat, 26 January 2008 22:57
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Sat, 26 January 2008 23:26
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Mon, 28 January 2008 20:12
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Mon, 28 January 2008 20:33
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Mon, 28 January 2008 20:54
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Wed, 30 January 2008 18:18
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: DNA from the Lowlands on Thu, 31 January 2008 15:10
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Thu, 31 January 2008 16:43
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Smedley on Thu, 31 January 2008 16:51
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 01 February 2008 11:54
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Fri, 01 February 2008 15:48
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Fri, 01 February 2008 16:28
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Fri, 01 February 2008 16:55
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Tue, 05 February 2008 02:29
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Tue, 05 February 2008 16:54
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Tue, 05 February 2008 17:07
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Cagemonkey on Tue, 05 February 2008 19:52
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Wed, 06 February 2008 00:05
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: lockie on Wed, 06 February 2008 09:36
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 08 February 2008 02:19
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Fri, 08 February 2008 17:01
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Cagemonkey on Sat, 09 February 2008 15:03
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Sat, 09 February 2008 16:07
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: the scorpion on Sat, 09 February 2008 16:29
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Tue, 12 February 2008 11:13
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Cagemonkey on Wed, 13 February 2008 14:55
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Wed, 05 March 2008 19:39
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Cagemonkey on Thu, 06 March 2008 00:32
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Mon, 10 March 2008 01:13
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Mon, 10 March 2008 02:56
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: MikeThePro on Mon, 10 March 2008 22:40
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Mon, 10 March 2008 23:14
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: DNA from the Lowlands on Tue, 11 March 2008 16:30
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Deathstruck on Tue, 11 March 2008 16:32
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Wed, 12 March 2008 04:18
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Mon, 26 November 2012 21:42
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Thu, 29 November 2012 22:48
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 26 August 2022 02:21
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Colt 45 Peacemaker on Fri, 26 August 2022 02:48
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 26 August 2022 03:11
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 26 August 2022 03:21
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Colt 45 Peacemaker on Fri, 26 August 2022 05:04
		Re: Fanfiction story. By: Fairy_Wilbury on Fri, 26 August 2022 05:22

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